Trouble on Durandal Island?
by Kos-mosMomo
Summary: Its the Christmas Season! WHat INSANE things do the Xenosaga Characters do? Well, read and find out.
1. Let the Insaneness begin

Trouble on Durandal Island?

The Holidays are approaching for the Xenosaga Characters! Gaignun is faced with his biggest predicament, Jr's getting in the Holiday Mood, but what happens when he makes the biggest mistake? Shion is faced with two problems, mourn over Kevin, or go out on a hot date with Allen? Ziggy is getting presents for a certain lady, Momo wants to get the best gift, chaos meets someone new, how will she handle the fan girls, and KOS-MOS is utterly, confused!

Disclaimer: I do not own the Xenosaga Characters, just chaos' new girlfriend, which your going to know from one of my other fics.

Chapter One

Momo walked around the Second Militia Streets, gazing into the store windows, looking for the perfect gift for a certain young boy.

"Now, what would Jr want?' Momo would ask herself, when she was having a hard time thinking on a gift. He had almost every ancient gun ever made, and he shunned new ones. Due to his recent growth spurt (couple on inches), she couldn't get him Platform shoes like she did last year. Nothing seemed to appeal to Momo, until she slid on a layer of ice on the side walk. When she flipped backwards, her eyes gazed upon a sign that said, "Men's Clothing, the best for the best!" Momo composed herself, and walked inside. Rows and rows of tuxedos, jackets, muscle shirts and misc laid out before her.

"Can I help you?' A worker asked.

"Yes, I think I found, exactly what I wanted."

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Shion sat in her favorite chair, thinking, hard.

"Now, I can weep and cry over my dearest Kevin, or I can go out with my colleague Allen, and who knows how that could turn out," Shion sighed. Things weren't looking good for her. Last year she missed out on all of the normal festivities because she was at Kevin's recreated grave on the Dammerung.

"That wont happen this year! Im not going to be some widow without her husband! Im going to be my lively, happy self!" Shion cried out to herself. She got off of her comfy chair and started to look around for Allen.

"There you are chief…"

"I accept Allen, im going to go out on that date with you!" Shion smiled, and Allen smiled, right before he passed out.

"Allen? Allen? Are you okay?' Shion asked. She looked at him, then at the bed in the other room.

"Maybe I can lift him in it?' Shion asked herself, then she picked up Allen with ease and carried him in.

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"Your really cute," chaos smiled at the girl he had just met at a store looking for a gift for himself, considering he was single.

"Thanks, your not bad yourself," She replied. They were now sitting in a Coffee Café in a window seat looking out to the snow that was covering Second Militia.

"Now what was your name again?" The girl asked.

"Its chaos," chaos replied. She nodded and sipped her coffee.

"And you were?'

"Mae," she replied (A/N- I couldn't think of anyone else to use, so I used her from Before our Very Own Eyes, which is a fairly new story I have). She put down her coffee cup, and looked into his eyes.

"Umm, do you want to have Christmas with me and my friends?" chaos asked. Mae's eyes lit up, exactly like Christmas Lights.

"Of course!" Now all chaos had to do was make sure that they WERE going to all have Christmas together.

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Ziggy scratched his chin with frustration. He, like everyone else, was confused as to what to buy Juli.

"That's a nice perfume," He told the sales lady. She smiled, a confused smile and she scurried away from the Ex-Human. He was attracting a lot of stares at the Boutique in the most Upper Class part of Second Militia, based upon an old French Boutique. The Walls were painted a Golden Color, and every where you looked, something else was gold to.

"Ill take it!" Ziggy called to the Sales Lady who was hiding behind a chair. She hurried over to the Cash Register.

"With this purchase, you can buy a set of Lingerie from over there, for the Miss," She smiled. Ziggy's face turned the reddest, red ever know to man, and with that, he scurried out of the shop, almost dropping the bag with the perfume in it.

"Well Hello Jan," A familiar voice said. Ziggy looked up, and he saw who he didn't, really wanted to see right then. Juli.

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"Right away Sir!" Mary said running down to the other side of the room. Mary climbed upon the Ladder and reached as far as she could, to put up the last strand of lights. As she planted the cord on the nail, her foot lost its balance and she came tumbling down, but luckily for us, and the story, Gaignun was there to catch her.

"That's a mighty fine thank you!" Mary blushed.

"You welcome Mary," Gaignun let Mary down and she stood there, staring at Gaignun.

"You wouldn't……naw, you to busy," Mary blushed and she started to walk off, but Gaignun caught her before she could go.

"I wouldn't what?' He asked.

"Go, umm, out to Dinner with me," Mark blushed. Gaignun let go of her arm and smiled.

"In that Case, im never to busy."

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"Curse these people," Jr muttered under his breath. He looked around the store he was in a Second Time, trying to suppress the blood that was about to come out of his nose.

"Now, Sir, what were you looking for again?' The Sales Lady, who had just served Ziggy asked.

"I umm, want to look at stuff for a Girl," Jr muttered, trying not to look.

"Well, stuff for Girls is everywhere, what size?'

"How the heck am I supposed to know," Jr thought.

"_Know what?" _The Voice inside of him asked.

"Momo's….um…. just ask the 100-Series what size they are," Jr thought angrily.

"_Size 0," _Gaignun replied smugly. Jr cut the link and said, "Size 0," to the lady.

"Im sorry, but we do not carry things in Jr sizes, would you like to buy something in out Realian section, im sure the Lady wouldn't know."

"What do you mean you don't carry things in MY SIZES?" Jr yelled. Oh lord, did he just know what he sounded like?

"Your sizes Sir?' The Lady asked. Her voice quivered on the point of extreme laughter.

"Hello, my name is Jr! You don't carry me?" The Lady's eyes widened, and she looked utterly bewildered.

"Sir, are you looking for a Women, or yourself?"

"Im looking for my GIRLFRIEND!" Jr yelled confused.

"DOES SHE CARE TO WEAR REALIAN CLOTHES?" The Lady yelled.

"SHE IS A FREAKIN REALIAN!" Jr yelled half mad and half confused. The Lady straitened her skirt and said, "Follow Me," and she lead him to a section of the store, that really brought on the Nose Bleeds.

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"Excuse me, but could you please assist me and tell me exactly what Christmas is about?' KOS-MOS asked an old lady.

"Well Deary, Christmas was created for Christ's Birthday long ago on Lost Jerusalem, now its all about the GIFTS!" The Old Lady laughed and got up.

"May I ask where your going?' KOS-MOS asked.

"Duh! To go get those good sales at all the stores!" The Old Lady laughed and walked off, KOS-MOS following.

"What are you doing Sunnie?" She asked.

"I want to see, what these sales are," KOS-MOS replied. And with that, that ends the First Chapter of, Trouble on Durandal Island?


	2. The Office of strangeness

Chapter 2

Oh my, I just, seriously love where this story is going, and man, I forgot Jin in the last chapter! Do not fear, Jin and Shion will be doing so, really, really, funny Christmas Shopping, soon, soon.

Disclaimer: I do not own and Copyrighted thing. Which Includes, Brittany Spears, Jessica Simpson, Victoria's Secret, Wal-Mart or anything else like that that I forgot to mention.

Chapter 2

"Welcome to Abercrombie and Fitch! How may I help you?' A Woman, in her late teens, said while chewing her gum.

"Yes, um, do you have anything in, small sizes?' Momo asked the girl.

"For a guy, or for you," she asked. Momo shook her head.

"For a guy!" She said. The girl nodded and made Momo follow her to the Left side of the store. Music blasted at a loud tone, and everywhere Momo looked, some hot guy was posing half naked, on posters of course.

"Here," The girl pointed to the Men's Section.

"Knock yourself out," she walked off to talk to a blonde, curly headed boy that had just walked in. After a couple of minuets, Momo had decided on two pairs of pants and a shirt that said, "Its not easy being easy," that seemed to suit Jr very well. She wanted to get him something more special than clothes, but at that moment, she didn't have anything, until she saw 'it'. She ran out of the store, unfortunately for her, the clothes were still in her hands. She threw them back, right as ten burly men came running for her. She ran across the street and into the store she hadn't seen before and she admired the thing from under the counter.

"Welcome to the 2005s! We have everything that they had on Lost Jerusalem, on bargain prices!"

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"I told you! I want Fantasy!" Shions screamed. She was in Wal-Mart's Perfume Section, and she was currently arguing with Jin about what she wanted as perfume.

"Well here it is," Jin said. He pointed to a pink container, that was defiantly not it.

"That's Passion you idiot! Fantasy by Brittany Spears! F-A-N-T-A-S-Y!" Shion was having a wild tantrum, over the perfume she wanted for Christmas.

"How about this? Its Jessica Simpson!" Jin pointed to the Jessica Simpson Dessert Treats on sale.

"I already have those," Shion sighed. She had just left Allen's house, after putting him in the bed from passing out, he had said something she never, ever, would of thought he would say.

"**_I love you Shion…" _**Those words still clinged to her mind. She never thought he, or anyone, would ever say hose words to her ever, ever again.

"Lets go Shion, its almost time for Desperate Housewives," Jin started to pace around the isle.

"Is it a new one?' Shion asked.

"Yea, Bree is about to kill George!" Shion perked up.

"This, I must see!"

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"Are you sure?' chaos asked. Shion was sitting in a chair with chocolate, her eyes glued to the show Desperate Housewives on the Holo.

"Positive, no wild parties on the Elsa!"

"Somebody say wild parties?' Jr yelled from across the room.

"Yea, Shion wont let us have one, and I cant invite my new friend," chaos sighed a fake one, he knew this would get Shion to say yes.

"New friend? Is she a girl?' Shion asked, already, hopefully, assuming it was a girl.

"Like, yea, she's a girl, her name is Mae," chaos replied.

"Okay, then, she can come and be in out little party for the Saviors of the UNIVERSE!" Shion cackled and she went back to watching the show.

"Im going to go, far away," chaos mouthed to Jr, and Jr mouthed, "Lucky Dawg,"

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"Hello, Juli," Ziggy replied. He and Juli had been standing in the same place, for about an hour.

"Want to get some coffee?" Juli asked, pointing over to the nearest Starbucks.

"I would love to, but what should I do?' Ziggy motioned to himself, telling that Juli that he was a cyborg, something that people didn't see to often.

"Here, I made this, just for you," Juli handed him a tiny block box and when he opened it, his body changed from cyborgish, to his old Jan self.

"Juli, it, I,"

"No need to say anything Jan, I know you hated your past, and hated yourself for what happened, but please, just do this for me, and if not for me, for Momo," Juli grinned.

"I have a feeling Ill be making some remarkable memories in this."

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"Here you go Dearie, heres the store that I get my sales at," The old woman showed KOS-MOS the sign that said, "Wal-Mart" is bold, big, white letters.

"Please explain the meaning of a sale," KOS-MOS said. The old woman laughed.

"Child, where have you been for the last Million Years? A Sale is where the things you want prices go down so that you can buy more, or spend less money!" The old woman left to go inside and KOS-MOS followed. She went past Maccas and went to the cosmetics. She opened some Lip Gloss and put it on her cheek.

"Wrong place Hunny," A woman said and she pointed to her Lips.

"Thank you," KOS-MOS replied putting the Tester on her lips. After she was satisfied with using the free samples, she went to the Electronics. A Mob of people were huddled around the newest Holo Screen on Sale. The wisdom words of the old lady came into her head.

"More, or I will exterminate you!" KOS-MOS yelled bringing out her R-Cannon. She aimed, and fired right above the tallest person's head. Everyone screamed and ran away from the new Holo, which KOS-MOS picked up and bought it, charging the 100,000 gs to Vector's Account. After she bought that Holo, she went Power Shopping, buying everything, and charging it to Vector while a certain Big Wig was getting pretty angry.

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"You know Master, that Author said you had a wig," Red Testament said.

"How could anyone as lovely as ME, with lovely, springy, curly, springy hair have a wig?" Wilhelm sprung the curl and it smacking him in the face.

"This just in Master! KOS-MOS has just sent us Bankrupt!" Blue Testament said putting his hands on his mask, as if to show shock, even though he could care less.

"Where?' Wilhelm asked mad, because how could anyone spend infinite money?

"It says here, the money was used mostly in Wal-Mart, and the rest was used in various other stores in Second Militia," Red Testament said.

"You made her be like this Reddy! Now go shine all my shoes, and get me more hair gel!"

"But how Master, we went bankrupt!" Red Testament yelled.

"Find a way! Bluey, make sure he buys my hair gel, extra springy, curly springy strength! Its in the Women's Section of Make-up and things Im tempted to use, but I cant because im a MAN!" Bluey and Reddy giggled and skipped on out of the office…

That's got to be one….messed up…office


	3. The unwanted guests

Chapter

3

What good is a Christmas Story if its after Christmas? Well, this chapter is going to wrap everything up, the party and everything. Thanks for reading and have a happy Christmas!

Shion gathered the ornaments while Jin grabbed the tree.

'Its going in the Party room on the Durandal. Where is KOS-MOS? Your going to drop that!" Shion yelled when Jin ripped.

"No im not," Jin replied regaining his composure.

"You called Shion?' KOS-MOS asked. She was carrying a huge load of things in her arms.

"Wrap those gifts and help us!" Shion demanded.

"Negative, there already gift wrapped."

"Then give the bloody things to Jin and take the dang tree before he drops it on me!" KOS-MOS agreed and handed the heavy gifts to Jin, while she took the tree.

"Well, KOS-MOS you decided to buy the heavy gifts this year, did you not?" Jin asked struggling with the presents.

"Affirmative," Together, in an hour, they got all the decoration put up, and Jin, Shion and Kosy's gifts under the tree. Jr came by and placed his under the tree, followed by Momo, Ziggy and Juli, and chaos and a mystery girl.

"We all ready?" Jr asked. Ten Women in Santa Suits came out and started dancing while ten men brought out the food.

"FOOD!" Jr yelled running and grabbing everything that looked good.

"I wonder if anyone else is coming," Shion said.

"Who else is there?' chaos asked.

"Come on chaos Hunny, lets go get some food!" The mystery girl said. Shion grabbed chaos' hand.

"Hunny? Who is she?"

"I saw her while I was picking out gifts and I think I fell in love!" chaos said starry eyed.

"Okay, go have a good time." Shion was depressed about not having someone to love on Christmas.

"Shion, I made it!" Allen yelled, Canaan behind him.

"Allen?" Shion asked surprised.

"I have your gift, ill give it to you when everyone is watching!" Shion looked at him strangely and nodded.

"RUBEDO!" Everyone turned to the window, a familiar face.

"ALBEDO!" Gaignun and Jr yelled.

"Hello Everyone! I have come to PARTAY WITH YOU!" Albedo said jumping down from the window and getting a paper plate.

"U.R.T.V, a failed product from a twisted age," Another familiar voice said. Everyone now turned to the door to face….the PATRIARCH!

"PATRIARCH!" Everyone yelled.

"Old fool," Albedo whispered.

"I saw your Mech parked outside, and I though I would Party to." The Patriarch walked over to the Food and grumbled about no Jello.

"UZUKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" Again everyone turned to the Familiar Voice.

"Margulis?" Everyone asked surprised. Pellegri walked up to Margulis.

"We want to Party and Dance the New Year Away!" Pellegri whispered in Margulis' ear.

"CHRISTMAS!" Margulis yelled correcting himself. They went to the food while more strange people decided to show up.

"DUM DUM DEEEEE DEEEE DUMMM! WELCOME MASTER WILHELM!" The Testaments walked in and bowed down and Wilhelm walked in.

"Te…te….TESTAMENTS!" Patriarch yelled.

"Calm it old fool, were not going to kill you yet, lets party!" Bluey yelled.

"Sir Wilhelm?" Shion asked walking up to him, KOS-MOS following him.

"I haven't been out in years, its good to party." Wilhelm said.

"Your Starting a Party without ME?" Everyone turned to the door, unfazed. It was Helmer in a party suit. Mary and Shelly giggled at the sight. Everyone went to eat, and after everyone was finished, they went and opened the presents like wild animals.

"A Holo Screen, thanks!" Shion said hugging KOS-MOS.

"A ring?" The Mystery Girl asked chaos. He nodded. Allen grumbled.

"Will you marry me, Mae?" chaos got down on his knees and presented the ring.

"Yes!"

"Patriarch, mae the wedding official!" Red Testament yelled.

"Yes Sir!" The Patriarch said all the normal things, blessed the two and they got married. How sweet? Albedo and Margulis were crying for the couple.

"SHION!" Allen yelled pushing chaos and the girl away.

"Get up here!" Shion looked around cautiously, Red Testament waving for her to go. Shion gave him a weird look and went up to the Alter.

"WILL YOU MARRY ME?" Red Testament gasped, almost killed Allen, then composed himself saying that he couldn't have Shion, that he was a testament and she couldn't be the pink one.

"Allen?" Shion asked surprised.

"Will you?" Allen presented the most beautiful ring imaginable and she gasped.

"Yes!" Everyone cheered, Jr, Ziggy and Momo were crying.

"JULI!" Ziggy yelled. God, was everyone getting in the Marrying Mood?

"Yes Jan?"

"Will…you….be…my girlfriend?" Thankfully, he didn't ask her to marry him.

"No Jan." Everyone gasped.

"I want…to be….more." Everyone cheered. She actually presented a ring and Ziggy said yes. Momo was running and hugging the two like no tomorrow. Wilhelm and about everyone else was crying to no end now.

"Have a party without me now? How selfish of you!" A female yelled. The door blasted open, and there stood T-ELOS.

"T-ELOS!" KOS-MOS yelled.

"No fear KOS-MOS, im not here to hurt you, just party." KOS-MOS lowered her R-Cannon and nodded. Everyone partied with their new wife/husband since practically everyone got married.

"Umm KOS-MOS?" Canaan asked.

"Yes Canaan."

"I. ummm…..think your hot."

"Thank you Canaan, I to think your hot. Lets go be emotionless robots, and do the robot dance."

"Cool." Canaan replied.

"Just look at her Master!" Reddy cried.

"Who?" Wilhelm asked.

"Shion and KOS-MOS. Theve both grown so much since I died. Look at her new body, it looks amazing."

"Who, Shion's?"

"NO YOU IDIOT, KOS-MOS!" Wilhelm shrugged, he though Shion was pretty hot himself, but she as currently taken by that whiney Allen.

"I don't like Allen." Wilhelm said.

"Join the club."

"Which one, the I Love Shion club?"

"Don't you dare even think about it man," Reddy warned Wilhelm.

"Whatever."

"Master Gaignun?" Mary asked.

"Yes Mary?"

"Master Gaignun?" Shelly asked.

"Yes?'

"I love you!" The girls said in unison, then looked at each other with killer looks.

"Whoa, when did this happen?" Gaignun asked.

"When I first saw you!" Mary said.

"When I began to work for you." Shelly smiled. Gaignun scratched his chin and nodded, a brilliant idea struck him.

"Ill marry both of you!"

Two years later Shion and Allen currently both live in a huge mansion on Fifth Jerusalem. They both have custody over KOS-MOS, who acts as a daughter, and Canaan as a son.

Juli and Ziggy both live in an Apartment on Fifth Jerusalem with Momo, who is happy to be living with her new Father. Her Sisters even get to come by, a new 100-series was just released with Brown Hair and Green Eyes. Momo insisted to call her Sakura, since she was the only 100-series that was produced like that. Juli didn't know of she could bare to call her that, but Ziggy reassured her it would be best for Momo and they adopted a new daughter. She has quite a liking to Jr to.

KOS-MOS and Canaan are doing well living in the same house as Shion and Allen. After everything with the Gnosis, Wilhelm let Shion and Allen have full custody of her, but they could use her when and if they needed her.

As for chaos and Mae, there doing perfectly to. They currently live on Fifth Jerusalem near Shion and Allen. There currently thinking about having a child and naming her after Shion, or KOS-MOS due to the amount of debt chaos is in for them from saving his life so many times.

Margulis and Jin worked out their problem and became good friends, just as Margulis asked Pellegri to marry him. They both have adopted T-ELOS as their daughter. Who amazing is good friends with KOS-MOS.

Wilhelm and Reddy created a Shion Uzuki, not Shion Ridgeley club, but sadly, no one wanted to join on account that they loved Shion and Allen together so much. Wilhelm finally got to go to all of the Parties he missed out on over those 100 years.

Gaignun currently still has Mary and Shelly as his two wives, Jr's mad because he now has two sister in laws and he doesn't have a girlfriend of his own, but Momo changed that. They both are in a beautiful relationship.

Can everyone actually live in peace? Well, the new year will decide that.


End file.
